Teenagers & sex

Erotic thoughts, intense interest in all matters sexual, deep anxieties about one’s body, confusion about what one is doing (compared with what everyone else seems to be doing) and feeling trapped between parents’ warnings and bodily urges: the teenage sexual experience can be both as intensely exciting, and as fraught with guilt, anxiety and complication, as the adult experience. However, the unwanted consequences of sex – sexual infection and pregnancy – are far harsher for the teenager than for the adult.

Teenagers nowadays may ap­pear more streetwise than their parents did at a similar age, but the greater social pressures to perform sexually may mean that adolescence is an even more be­wildering experience. Currently the teenage pregnancy rate in Britain is about 40,000 a year. This is the highest in western Europe and six times the rate in the Netherlands. A recent nationwide sex survey revealed that about a fifth of men, and more than two-thirds of women, felt they had started having sexual intercourse too early. The average age for losing one’s virginity is now 17. By age 15, a quarter of teenagers claim to have had sex.

Many teenagers may feel that intercourse is a long way off, but be preoccupied with related issues such as masturbation, menstruation, nocturnal emissions and confusion over their own sexual orientation. Clear and independent information from reliable sources such as family planning clinics and the Brook Advisory Centres (specially for young people) is valuable, because the adults closest to the confused teenager can sometimes provide conflicting advice.

MASTURBATION

Masturbation – touching one’s own genitals for pleasure and orgasm – is widely accepted as natural in teenage boys, but many teenage girls masturbate too, and continue to do so throughout womanhood. In teenagers masturbation is a useful way to discover sexual pleasure and release, safely and privately, and can help determine one’s pref­erences during foreplay in later sexual activities. It can also help reveal one’s own potential for orgasm.

Boys masturbate by rubbing their penises along the shaft and the glans, either with their hand or against a surface, e.g. the bed. Girls may gently stimulate their clitoris with small repeated move­ments, and touch their vagina and breasts. There is no ‘normal’ fre­quency for masturbation – some people masturbate several times a day, others once a week or less often. It is also perfectly natural not to want to masturbate.

It used to be thought that mas­turbation was unnatural and even harmful, possibly causing blindness. Now it is known as the safest form of sex, and is a perfectly normal behaviour that many adults enjoy throughout their lives.

HOMOSEXUAL FEELINGS

Adolescence is commonly a time of heightened emotion, and many teenagers develop passionate friendships and deep feelings for people they admire of either sex. Many teenagers become fixated with members of the same sex, and may be confused about whether they are homosexual (attracted to the same sex) or heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex). Teenagers may also experiment sexually with a same-sex partner. All this is perfectly natural, and part of discovering one’s own sexuality.

Many people who had homo­sexual feelings and experiences go on to forge heterosexual re­lationships later on. Others feel strongly that they are attracted to the same sex, and maintain this preference throughout their lives. Still others are able to be attracted by either sex, although they may maintain a stable relationship with one person. If a person has relation­ships with both sexes he or she may refer to him- or herself as ‘bisexual’.

Many societies emphasise the family unit and tend to view het­erosexual relationships as normal, and homosexual partnerships as abnormal, sinful or deviant. The pressure to conform to a hetero­sexual world is therefore very powerful. The truth, however, is that for most people sexuality is a spectrum – they may prefer to have sex with the opposite sex, but in some circumstances may be attracted to the same sex, and vice versa.

Many homosexuals say that they knew from a very young age that they were ‘gay’. If someone is confused about their sexuality, they should allow themselves time to consider things carefully. Some people try to deny their sexuality to the point of getting married and having children, but this often results in greater unhappiness. Liv­ing as a homosexual can bring much conflict and complication, but it may be better to be honest about it.

HEAVY PETTING

It is normal to be curious about sex and to try things out. Many young couples experiment with sex by kissing, kissing with tongues, and perhaps feeling each other’s bodies through their clothes. Heavy petting generally refers to removing clothes and touching each other’s body, and perhaps masturbating each other. It is the same as ‘foreplay’ before intercourse, and can lead to intercourse.

It is important therefore, if you are to enjoy experimentation, to establish right from the start what the limits are for both partners. No one should pressurise the other into taking petting or kissing a step further if they are unwilling to do so, no matter how ‘carried away’ you are. If petting leads to inter­course, the question of condom use for the prevention of pregnancy and infection will have to be dealt with (see Contraception on page 69). It is also important to remember that semen should not be ejaculated near the vagina, as this can result in pregnancy. Furthermore, infections can be spread if fingers that touch the genitals of one partner then touch the genitals of the other. To prevent infection, any cuts or broken skin on fingers should be covered with waterproof plasters, and male and female condoms can be worn. For safer oral sex, flavoured condoms are now avail­able from chemists or family plan­ning clinics.

If both partners accept and agree on the limits of their heavy petting, then this can be a very en­joyable and relatively safe way to enjoy sex without the complications of intercourse.

FIRST-TIME INTERCOURSE

Having intercourse for the first time is seen as an important rite of passage into the adult world. It is easy to rush into it without thinking it through properly. First-time sex between two experienced partners is often awkward and clumsy, simply because of the newness of the situation. If both partners are inexperienced, it can be even more difficult, as both are likely to be shy, nervous and anxious. It helps, therefore, to take time to get to know each other well, and to be at ease with each other’s bodies. More importantly the issue of condom use and contraception should be agreed ahead of time. About 70–80 per cent of teenagers report that they used a condom the first time they had sex. As teen­agers are likely to be highly fertile, it may be sensible for the girl to be on the Pill, and for the boy to use a condom against infection (see Contraception below).

PREGNANCY, CONTRACEPTION AND SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS

Sexual intercourse may result in pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, or both. Both partners should take equal responsibility for making sure that neither occurs, and if an unwanted pregnancy does occur, they should take equal part in sorting out the situation. Family planning advice can be obtained from a variety of sources – family planning clinics, GP surgeries and Brook Advisory clinics, specially for young people. These provide fully confidential services – parents need not be told, although the young people may be encouraged to discuss their decisions with their parents. Family planning clinics also provide free condoms.

Many girls will opt to go on the contraceptive pill which has to be prescribed by a doctor. If taken properly this will provide good protection against pregnancy. To protect against sexual infections a condom should always be used each time as well. Condoms provide good protection against infections such as HIV, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and trichomoniasis – but must be put on before any genital contact is made. They provide some protec­tion against warts and herpes.

If the girl is NOT on the pill, and sexual intercourse takes place without a condom, or if the con­dom bursts or slips off, emergency contraception can be taken to lower the risk of pregnancy up to 72 hours after the event (the other name for emergency contraception is ‘the morning-after pill’ but this is inaccurate because it works for three days afterwards). This is now available at chemists without a prescription. It is also available at family planning clinics, some sexual health clinics, GP surgeries and accident and emergency departments. It consists of two tablets taken together in one dose and will reduce the risk of pregnancy down to about two per cent.

KEY POINTS

• Sexual feelings are normal

• Masturbation is the safest form of sex

• Homosexual feelings may be part of one’s sexual orientation

• Partners should not put pressure on each other to start having sexual intercourse

• If you are going to have sexual intercourse, be informed and prepared to prevent pregnancy and sexual infections